I was in the hospital last week. I was fine and suddenly I had pain in my gums. I’m one of those people who grew up without healthcare so I never go to the doctor for things unless absolutely necessary. The fact that I went to the dentist the next day shows just how painful it really was. But at no point was I genuinely worried about my safety. They told me I had a severe infection and that I had to have a tooth pulled, but that it could be replaced with an implant. At my age, this news didn’t trouble me because the tooth in question had a long history of troubles going all the way back to a skateboarding accident from my childhood. This wouldn’t even be the first time this tooth had left my mouth, if that tells you anything. Really I was just happy to know that the reason I was having pain was obvious and that it could be easily treated and that I could get a replacement tooth fairly easily. And since I no longer live in the United States, I could get this all fixed affordably as well. I was supposed to have the tooth removed a mere three days after that initial visit to the dentist. They gave me some pain killers and said just hold out till the surgery and then the pain will all be gone. I was happy with this situation. Less than 10 hours later I was in the hospital suffering from a high fever brought on by the infection.
I’m ok now. I spent more than two days in the hospital and missed my appointment to remove the tooth, but by the time you read this I will have not only been released from the hospital but also had the tooth removed, returned to work, and be on the road to getting my implant. I’m very fortunate to have had such an easy hospitalization. That was my first and hopefully only time I’ll ever be hospitalized for an extended period of time. But this experience, however mild it was compared to the countless other people who have had the misfortune of being hospitalized, really gave me some perspective. Without trying to sound cliché, I realized that life is short. And more importantly, I realized just how much of it I’ve been wasting trying to please other people.
I started this blog and accompanying YouTube, Twitch, and Twitter channels/accounts almost four years ago. To date I have published a blog post, almost always multiple single spaced pages, every week. I’ve published more than 100 reviews for several platforms for multiple websites. I’ve tweeted every day, multiple times a day, for a grand total of more than 48K tweets. I’ve posted more than 300 videos, most of which are serious full length gameplay episodes. All that is to say that I’ve put a lot into gaming related content creation, and that’s not a bad thing. But as a man on the wrong side of 25, or even 27, I have spent way too much time doing things for the benefit of other people and as a consequence have taken away from my own personal enjoyment and goals. That’s gonna change immediately.
I take schedules and commitments very seriously. That’s why I’ve made sure to publish content on the schedule that I have since November of 2013 with a nearly flawless record. But to this day I gain no actual returns from all this content creation. I have no Patreon supporters, my following on my blog, YouTube, and Twitch channel are laughable considering the amount of time I’ve put in, and to this day I’ve never received a single donation of any kind as a direct result of my content creation, with the possible exception of Twitter and never in monetary form. This is fine. I’m fortunate enough to have a real job in this economy that allows me to still be able to purchase video games and create content without requiring any returns from my content creation. Do I wish I made money for all the hard work I put in? Of course. Can I live without it? I have for the last four years. While it’s sad to not be recognized for all my content with any form of monetary compensation, it also allows me a great deal of freedom compared to other content creators who do make money for their work. I can make whatever changes I want whenever I want and the repercussions are at best non-existent or at worst inconsequential. I may lose a few followers here and there, but I never had that many to begin with. So unlike content creators who are bound to their following for survival, I can literally do whatever I want. And my recent hospital experience showed me that what I want is less unpaid responsibilities and more time to pursue my own personal goals.
It’s always been my dream to write a novel. I’ve done all the ground work for this project including writing a 200 page treatment and six page detailed chapter outline. I’m serious about this project but have never been able to make the time for it until now. I have so many unfinished and unplayed games in my backlog. I just built a new gaming PC and haven’t even loaded up a single game yet due to lack of time. I also have a stack of books I’ve bought in the last year that I have yet to read. These are just some of the things I’d like to do but haven’t been able to make time for. So effective immediately I’m shifting gears in my life. Content creation will no longer be treated like a job or responsibility. It will now be completely for fun. What this means is no more strictly adhered to schedule of content creation. If I want to write a blog post, I will. If I want to publish a video, I will. If I want to stream, I will. And if I’m not in the mood for whatever reason or just didn’t have the time or wasn’t inspired to make content in a particular week, then I won’t. No more guaranteed weekly posts. That doesn’t necessarily mean content won’t be published on a weekly basis. It simply means that I will no longer hold myself to that standard. If I genuinely want to create content at that frequency then I will. And if I’m not in the mood to publish something in a given week then I won’t.
I want to be clear that this is not me declaring the end of this blog or any of my related content outlets. I have put too much time and effort into this project to just throw it all away and I’m also deeply entrenched into the gaming community. I literally could not stop creating content if I wanted to. Especially now that I have a beast of a rig that will allow me to record 1080p 60 FPS gameplay vids and a high quality microphone to capture commentary. If anything I’ll be making YouTube videos and streaming more than ever before. And honestly I can’t see the gaming industry and community just magically fixing all its current problems and never having any more, so there will always be a reason for me to post on this blog. Not to mention the fact that I genuinely love Twitter. I just want to make content solely from interest and desire rather than responsibility from here on out. Or at least until such time as content creation becomes a real paid job that warrants me taking it as seriously as I have for more than three and half years.
If any of this makes you unhappy, I’m genuinely sorry. It was not my intention to disappoint any of my loyal readers, subscribers, or followers. But I hope you can at least understand my position and support my desire to pursue my personal goals in order to live a more fulfilling life. Thank you for reading and for your support past, present, and/or future.
*Also, from now on I’m not just limiting this blog to gaming. Movies and TV are fair game from now on as well since the communities and my interests in those subjects are very much intertwined.